Last
week I had the opportunity to interview the devil, Lucifer. He is also
known as, Satan, Day Star, and king of Babylon. Here, in three parts, is
a transcription of our conversation.
Good
evening, sir. I’m speaking with Lucifer from his branch headquarters
close to downtown Fort Worth. He was kind to grant me access without
restriction and gave permission to reproduce in full an unedited
transcript of our conversation. Thank you for your generosity, sir. Lucifer
is currently king of this world and is seeking the office of GOD MOST HIGH. He has been from the beginning of time a liar,
deceiver, tempter, and accuser without parallel. It is generally agreed
that he is the most handsome, beautiful creature ever created by GOD. By way of
his charismatic personality, administrative prowess, and creative
genius he has built an empire of great historical and worldwide
influence founded under the title Hell, Inc. He now serves as the
company’s President and Chairman with offices and viable concerns
worldwide.
Q
Lucifer, thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to
visit with me. I don’t suppose there is anyone more qualified to discuss
the topic of deceit and deception than you are. But before we begin our
discussion of that topic, how did you get into this field?
A
Actually, it began as a limited vision on my part, but has escalated
far beyond my wildest dreams. I began a small rebellion in heaven after I discovered that GOD was planning to make a human HIS heir. As you
noted, He holds the position I’m trying to usurp. When He got wind of my
rebellion He removed me from my position as archangel and forced me to
leave heaven along with all those sympathizing with my cause. I had no
idea so many would follow my lead, but 33% joined in my rebellion.
Q You mentioned your desire to attain the position and title of The most high GOD. Is that your fundamental goal?
A My
goal and primary aim, the cause of which I have dictated to my
underlings, is this: To undermine the Kingdom of God and place myself in
the supreme position in the universe. This will be done through
intrigue and deceit of mankind, God’s highest creation.
Q Why do you see mankind as your means to this exalted title? It would seem you’d war against God Himself.
A
No, no. God is much too strong and self-assured. Besides,
hostile takeovers are out of fashion. We must resort to subterfuge of a
more devious nature. His area of vulnerability lies within the heart of
mankind. For whatever reason—He says its love—He put all of His
relational hopes in one being and called it man. Stupidly, He gave man
the freedom to choose between loving and serving Him or me. And
amazingly, He has invested His kingdom in man’s decision. This is God’s
“soft underbelly,” to quote one of your great men, Winston Churchill.
This vulnerability is my target.
Q Lucifer,
while you are apparently enjoying great progress toward achieving your
goal, there is still opposition to you and your schemes. God has
invested His people with tremendous power—the keys to the Kingdom, He
calls it. I would assume, therefore, that the plan for gaining your
sought-after title is complex to say the least?
A Well,
one might think so, but this is not the case by and large. Complex
plans require a bureaucracy, extensive training programs, and the like.
We make every effort to employ the simplest approach possible, or as
God’s people call it, the simplest attack possible. Astutely
manipulated, this is the heart and soul of deceit and deception. There
are times when we go to…
Q Excuse
me. Sorry to interrupt you, but I find your last point rather
phenomenal. If it wouldn’t be a breach of security, could you discuss in
more detail what you mean when you say, employ the simplest attack
possible?
A
Oh, certainly. And there’s no breach of security. Besides
being as plain as the nose on your face, we have no standard practices
that aren’t recorded throughout the annals of history, literally by the
volume, not to mention the world’s all-time best seller, the Bible. I
digress, but did you know that book has sold in excess of five billion
copies and I have managed to corrupt it as well. Anyway, even the most advanced management and marketing theories
strive for simplicity in their product development. We are no
different. While we do have stratagems calling for direct frontal
assaults, such as wars, murder, theft, adultery, idol worship and XXX rated movie theaters to tempt the sensual needs,
most of our negotiation—that is, temptation—is directed at the simple,
mundane areas of life. Granted, it is great to have a big win by
enticing a strong Christian into a porn house while he’s away from home
on business. But, we have far more success with a simpler approach:
compromised values while watching HBO; self-justification for a “small”
impropriety; a novel with indiscretions that stick in the mind, etc.
Ultimately, these pay off far more lucratively than a large,
complex assault. This methodology has been implemented into every
conceivable area of life. Porn and lust is but one example. Even though I am being candid about our tactical philosophy, our
organization is in no danger of losing our market share. Such simplicity
is too absurd for the logic of man. He considers himself just a bit too
brilliant to be duped by an elementary approach like we employ. He
rationalizes to himself, with some influence from my group, that to fall
as he does to temptation must mean he is being assaulted by a force
more complex than his mind can conceive. Thus, he finds that he…
Q Pardon
me for interrupting again, but I feel I am on the verge of
understanding the genius of Hell, Inc. and your operational plan. Can
you give some additional strategy to illustrate your point?
A
Sure. In fact, to demonstrate the ingenuity of our plan let
me review the three primary strategies Hell, Inc. has developed. In our
academy all of my associates become absolutely, unflinchingly proficient
in three skills: Impersonation, Character Assassination, and Scripture
Quotation. These are referred to as “ICS.” We
really don’t worry much about those of mankind who are already ours.
Because of the Great Coup, what my nemesis calls, the Fall, the inherent
sinful nature of those who are mine accepts just about whatever
suggestion we propose. It is the Christian with whom we are most
concerned.
Q Why is that?
A
Because they belong to Jesus the Christ. If they can be
influenced to live in hypocrisy and disregard for their salvation, then
Christ’s kingdom is weakened and my desired position is a bit closer.
They are, as I said earlier, God’s “soft underbelly”—mere pawns in my
quest for God’s title.
Q Thank you for elaborating. Now you were saying something about ICS?
A
Yes, right. Impersonation, or the “I,” is simply to deceive the
Believer in Jesus Christ regarding who his true enemy is. Even though
the sinful propensity for independence was crucified and buried with
Christ at Calvary, we see no reason not to impersonate that old
nature for our purposes of deception. This way all, or should I say the
vast majority, of our marketing efforts—temptations, if you prefer—seem
like the Christian’s idea. Impersonation is quite effective. They
become introspective and subject to self-condemnation, searching for the
cause of their failure while expending great spiritual effort to deal
with the hideous “self.” Never mind that their old self was dealt a
fatal blow in Christ. Given the approach I’m describing, they think they
are generating temptation. All the while it’s us! It is very amusing
and quit rewarding actually. This strategy alone has done more for the
net profit at Hell, Inc. than any other tactic or product. And of
course, once the Christian accepts our impersonation as being his own idea, he’s extremely vulnerable because he has officially sinned.
Q That is insidious!
A Isn’t it? I love it! It’s one of our finest implements.
Q And the second strategy, the “C”?
A
Yes. This is also a remarkable approach. Its versatility makes it
cunningly effective. While we do use Character Assassination on
Believers—you know, I hate calling them God’s children, the whole
hereditary link, and so forth. But, I digressed again, didn’t I? Our
principal execution of strategy C is accusation of God to the Believer.
This is subtle most of the time, creating a nagging hesitation about His
character or motive. It is precisely the same tack I took when I
birthed the Great Rebellion and founded Hell, Inc. If you think about
it, you hear and read our statements everywhere. In fact,
strategy C is proliferating exponentially due to increased stress in
mankind’s society. Thanks to strategy C, God is blamed for just about
everything man finds discomforting. It is only natural for man to
question during stressful times. But to ask the right question, that is
the key. The wrong query leads only to equally wrong, and sometimes more
troubling, answers. For example, it is common to hear, “Why didn’t God
answer my prayers?” when the divorce papers arrive. “Doesn’t He care
about how hard I try to please Him?” when bankruptcy has to be filed.
“Why me when sickness sets in two days after vacation begins?” and the
implication is that God caused the illness, or at least, didn’t prevent
it. There are any number of these questions—and they all indict God. I
devised each through strategy C and my people deploy them through
strategy I. It all seems and feels to humans very natural and innocuous.
But with perseverance, the payoff is significant: the adulteration of
God’s character. Even though the Bible strictly
prohibits the concocted belief that God can instigate evil and
wrongdoing, it leaves Him vulnerable to Character Assassination through His attributes of control and being all-powerful. Simply stated, if He
knows all, and controls all, and can do anything, it leaves His subjects
precariously receptive to my question: “Why doesn’t He…?” whatever.
Fill in the blank. At this time, the church and
its theology, and the world and its philosophy, have pretty well adopted
the ridiculous notions of God being at fault, man’s vassalage to His
whims, and Hell, Inc.’s relative remoteness. If my organization and I
are distant, or better yet, imaginary, then we are not responsible. We
don’t have anything to do with what man deems unpleasant, unfortunate,
or wrong. By clear implication then, God is to blame. And this is the
way I want it, for now anyway.
Q So
by questioning God’s character to His children, or Believers, you hope
to wear them down, making them vulnerable to receiving your accusations
and becoming embittered toward Him.
A
Embittered would be wonderful, but actually if they only sink
to a moderate level of doubt and declare a small degree of
independence, for the sake of self-preservation, then strategy C has
been successful. Christians living independently from God is our goal.
When this is adequately achieved, I will usurp my sought-after title.
Q The
final strategy of “ICS” is Scripture Quotation. I recall that you
employed this technique on Jesus Christ when He was a human. Am I
to assume that you utilize Scripture today as you used it with Him?
A Absolutely. In many cases Christians today are no better off with the New Testament than they were without
it in Jesus’ day. I mean, they may have it, but unless they know what’s
in it they won’t derive any benefit from it. Many of them only know
what they’ve been taught or heard by false ministers that I set up. I love these folks. They don’t know a
lie from the truth, and by the time they figure out that they are
deceived, it’s too late. Often, when folks like this find themselves in a
hopeless situation, we suggest that if they demonstrate enough faith in
God, then God will be obliged to do what they want Him to do. At
strategic moments in their temptation, we quote verses from the Bible.
One of my favorites is Matthew 17:20. Jesus’ disciples asked Him why
they couldn’t cast out a demon. For the record, one of my employees. He
said, “Because of the littleness of your faith.” He goes on to say, “If
you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, nothing will be impossible
for you.” Isn’t that great? What an exercise in frustration!
Q But, sir. With all due respect, that’s not what the context of that passage says.
A
I know, but that’s not the point. Trying to make God do something by
believing hard enough is the point. Of course it’s a deception, but
that’s what we do. The biblical ignorance of these folks compromises
them. When they start trying to figure out how they got fouled up, with a
little guidance from my staff, they realize they are disillusioned
about God because He didn’t honor the Scripture they quoted. Who cares
if that’s not what He meant? I sure don’t. But in all honesty, let me
say this: When Believers mature in their walk with God to where they
manage Scripture accurately and with respect, Hell, Inc. is in trouble.
So, we are vigilant. Always. God said His Word is sharper than a
double-edged sword, and He is correct. For heaven’s sake, that’s why I
utilize it so often? But with ICS as a methodological strategy, even
though the Bible is sharp and active, deceived Believers are dull.
Judging from what I see around me, I believe my chances for success are
strong.
Q Lucifer,
you are certainly wise and have devised an insidiously simple and
deceptively attractive program. I regret that we are out of time. I
appreciate you granting me this plain spoken interview.
A
It has been my pleasure. It is our vision that Hell, Inc. that I will rule the
world one day from God’s throne. The more public relation stunts I can
perform, the better. Before we close, I’ll challenge you to watch and
observe. Even with my game plan in hand, Believers will look for me in
the shadows, but never at home, in their car, while on break, and
certainly not at church. They will be my puppets. The sniveling pawns
are my conduit to God’s throne. You watch and see!
Thank you again, sir.
I
had the opportunity to visit with Lucifer at his regional headquarters
in Fort Worth, Texas. If you would like to know more about him and his
initiatives, there are multiple passages devoted to him from the Bible. In addition, he and the
Spirit of God are engaged in ongoing hostilities over the allegiance of
humankind. Lucifer seems confident he will win but I think he has underestimated GOD.
